6/10/2010 The Devil’s Channel and Other Minutia

Now, many of you do not realize that librarians actually work for a
living. That is, we do not simply sit behind a desk and look peevishly
erudite (which we have boiled down to a science). No, we actually
organize and research information – sometimes even with our barehands.

Let’s take, as an example, the book collection in our library. I have
been working since day one to get it better organized. We currently have
three different cataloging systems (and if you are about to make a Dewey
Decimal comment I assure you we do not subscribe to that classification
scheme here) and these systems have much overlap.

For example, we have a donated collection in memorial of an alumni who was
lost at sea some years back. Most of this collection is sea
adventure-type stories or historical works. Our second collection is a
medley of Library of Congress classified materials, and then we have a
whole collection of paperbacks that are organized by “genre” (sort of) and
then the author’s last name.

The overlap occurs when a certain book can appear in any given area. So
for example, I can have Moby Dick in the memorial collection, the regular
collection, and also the genre based collection.

This has created a bibliographic Gordian Knot which yours truly wants to
cut like a certain Macedonian conqueror.

So right now I’m cataloging books, and I’ve been “weeding” out some that
people haven’t borrowed in some time. It is amazing how trashy people’s
taste is. For example, I encountered our copy of Steinway’s “The Grapes
of Wrath” – no one borrowed it ever… but then I encountered that other
classic “I’ll Take Manhattan” by that well-known scribe Judith Krantz.
This particular book is dog-eared and well-borrowed. Apparently readers
prefer to read about the “Gorgeous and flamboyant Maxi Amberville” as
opposed to the Dustbowl. Hmmm… When I put it that way, I would be too.
Actually, if the blurb writer, could write a book, why that would be the
biggest best seller since Jeremiah McMahon’s “Devil’s Channel.”

Uh-oh… what is “Devil’s Channel?” Well, if you are literary-refined
please try to avert your eyes from the train wreck that follows.

If you had not heard of “Devil’s Channel,” you obviously have good taste.
This is a “…terrifying novel of possession to rank with ‘The Other’ and
‘The Exorcist’.” And then of course the blurb on the back begins, “Diana
stood naked in front of the television set. Now she would receive the
Satanic message.”

This undoubtedly makes you want to read on… let’s flip to a random page…
Fortunately, there is no page ‘666’ (whew)….

Page 61, “Katherine, full of vitality and the omnipotence of vigorous
evil, sat triumphant on her magic charge.”

Look out for that vigorous evil! It sure is omnipotent… The train wreck
continues…

Page 136, “Rollo had climbed onto a chair. He gazed into the crystal
ball. “What’s this thing for?”
“For Magic! I can see the past and future and sometimes even the present
in it.”

Well no duh you can see the present. I can also see we like run-on
sentences.

Unfortunately for “Devil’s Channel” since its incorporation into our
collection, it has seen no circulation. I believe our cadets, while okay
with borrowing a good Krantz yarn, are a bit embarrassed to borrow this
particular work which has a lady on the front worshipping a TV. Perhaps I
should be the first to read this one.

Do you think I would become possessed if I read “Devil’s Channel?”

Ship news:
We had a lifeboat and safety drill today, and since I am the “Official
Player of the Lifeboat Tapes” that means that I get to avoid wearing one
of those unstylish life jackets.

But alas, we have had some problems. As most of you know I have multiple
VHS players that are all malfunctional. This has created all sorts of
nightmares for yours truly in trying to play the infamous medical care
provider tapes.

But, fortune is smiling upon the Bibliographic Mariner, because today, I
got a “new” DVD and VHS player. This is actually the same model that I
had before except that this one does not eat tapes and actually rewinds
them. Amazing. The interesting thing about this model is that it is
glued onto a piece of wood which they brought down looking like it was on
a dinner platter. I shall have to get tools and other equipment to
disassemble this Frankenstein’s monster.

Of course, as Murphy’s Law would have it, the DVD that I had to play did
not work on our system so we had to get a laptop upon which I did not have
the correct password to logon, and when we finally did get running with
it, there was no sound so we had to use subtitles.

The cadets were thrilled.

The second movie, went quicker but more painfully. Realize that nobody
has ever made a good training video. Has anybody ever watched a training
video and said… wow… I want to see it again!

The highlights of this second video included seeing the use of life rafts
and gumby suits (which are life suits that make you look like Gumby). I
think one of these suits would make a great Halloween costume although it
would be hard to walk in it.

Fair Winds and Following Seas,
Joe